No one even understands my pain anymore. I’m afraid to do anything cuz it’s never right. I’m to afraid to talk because I feel like I’m annoying. I’m afraid to go out in public because I’m afraid that I’m to weird or ugly. I’m afraid to show my body of because I’ve been told I’m too fat. I’m afraid to talk to anyone because I’m scared that they will just judge me. I’m afraid of life and I don’t wanna go on anymore. I’m hurting beyond repair.
Just know that God will never put you through anything you can’t handle.
Hearing people laugh near you. Not talking because you’re afraid that what you say will be judge. Keeping quite in a conversation with three people. Not being able to go anywhere alone. Staying inside all day. Eye contact. Eating in front of people. Counting money before you pay. Not leaving voicemails. Paying for things at a ship. Asking for help. Always preparing what to say. Bumping into people you know. Feeling embarrassed all the time.
If you keep going backwards with the same people that God has intentionally removed from your life. You will continue to stay stuck. There is no joy in being confused and unhappy. Get rid of old bad habits and leave them where they belong. What is meant for you will be yours. Learn to let go. Dysfunction isn’t love.
The easiest thing to do is give up. But told hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart. Now that’s true strength.
I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broke things stay broken and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones. As long as you have people who love you.
Being told that your a disappointment by everyone including your family hurts. I have done nothing but try to support myself. But that’s not good enough. I know I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but everyone does not have to keep bringing it up. I already punish myself enough. You don’t have to keep making it worse. How would you feel if I were to kill myself because of all the bulling you’ve put me through. All the hurtful words you have said to me. Because if you keep doing this, it will happen, and it will be because of all of you people that put me down and bullied me. Hope your proud of what you cause and hope it haunts you and teaches you a lesson.
"I’ll miss you if you’re gone. Please don’t go. You mean so much to me." All nothing but bullshit to me. You don’t even show care that I’m still breathing. What makes you think I’d believe you to care if I’m gone? If I don’t bother asking checking up on you, you won’t check on me either. I keep thing about making it easier for you. Just disappearing. That way you don’t have to worry about checking up on me. AT ALL…
Is that I came to the conclusion. Nobody but my parents would actually care. My small group of friends would get over it pretty damn fast. It would literally just be two people. A somewhat empty funeral. I love my parent. They’re the only reason I’m still here. I can’t ever leave them. It’s cruel!!
I’m 18, never in my life would I think about dying. Until now. No one cares. My only friends make fun of me. I feel like if I died no one would care. Maybe my mom, dad, and brother. But even they would get over it. It’s gotten so bad that I think of ways to end it. Pills. Guns. Idk. I just want out of here. I can’t take the stress. All the hate. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just can’t do this.
Have you ever been in a room full of people, but no one seemed to notice you? No one sees or heard you. It’s like your there but everyone and everything is moving just beyond your reach.
Have you ever been with family and when you talk it seems as though the walls are the only ones listening?
Have you ever been in a situation where it seemed as though everyone seems to be talking over and around you? Loudly?
Been there… Done that. Seems like it’s everyday. No one seems to need you until there’s an emergency or just one of those inconsequential questions they want an opinion about.
It’s seems as though if I weren’t around I wouldn’t be missed. When I call it seems as though I’m interrupting their day. Nothing really to say. Nothing really needs to be done. Bye talk to you later.
I truly don’t think I’d be missed. Just the income of course would be missed.